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At first observation, this phrase seems supportive and maybe even a little bit like common sense. If you see an exceptional pastor, why wouldn't you want that for yourself and your church?
Only, what happens when a female pastor is not exceptional? Should a woman's merits, talent, gifts, or even her chemistry with a specific congregation be used as a plumb line by which all other women in ministry are measured? Are the only women capable of being great pastors those who are viewed by leadership as "exceptional"?
The answer should be a resounding no.
Maybe the biggest problem with this thinking, is that it lays an unnecessary burden on an already burdened vocation. Added to reading, writing, preaching, balancing budgets, fixing clogged toilets, counseling church members, visiting the sick, clothing the naked, and feeding the hungry, is a glaring "oh, and do all of that exceptionally for the sake of women in ministry everywhere!"
It is an impossible standard. No one is good at everything, let alone exceptional.
While one pastor might be an exceptional preacher, she might not be an exceptional caregiver. Where one pastor might be a great administrator, she might not be a great counselor. We are all gifted differently, and to expect one person to be exceptional in all areas, is not only unfair, it is counter to the illustrations of the Church we see in scripture.
Scripture is clear, we are all gifted differently, and we should not be envious of the gifts of others, but use the gifts we have for the kingdom of God. If we expect one woman to be exceptional at all things, we are robbing the church of one of it's greatest messages, that it takes all of us, working together, to truly illustrate the kingdom of God to the world around us. It takes everyone working together, and promising a church a pastor of exception, sets them up to not only miss out on a wonderful pastor, but to miss out on their own gifts and talents for the kingdom.
Not only can one woman not be good at everything, everyone has bad days. You are sick, your kids are sick, your dog is sick. The sound system fizzles out. A congregant said "I need to talk to you Pastor" when you first walk into the building, and it's the day leadership is there to check in on you.
Just because one woman has a bad day does not mean every day is bad, or that every other woman is not great at pastoring. It doesn't even mean she's bad at pastoring, it just means a bad day. One woman's bad day (or bad year, or bad decade for that matter) in ministry, should not define every other woman's.
Holding exceptionality as the standard by which every woman is judged, leaves a very small window for women to climb through, leaving many others behind, who don't know how to climb the same ladder. Not only is this a high standard that many, if not all, feel incapable of reaching, this is a standard completely subjective to the people who are placing it as a standard. Exceptionality means different things to many people, and the problem with defining exceptional in the context of church, is that in recent years, it has tended to mean the pastors with the biggest ministries, the best preaching, or even a charismatic personality. In a faith tradition where few women are leading the biggest ministries, this is an impossible standard. It becomes difficult to point to the exceptional preaching skills of a woman, if she is not placed in places to even hear in the first place, and personalities are as varied as their are people. Having this high of a standard leaves many, if not most or all, women feeling inadequate, or ill equipped, and leaves so many burdened on Sunday morning, as they try on the twentieth outfit in the mirror ensuring perfection, thinking "maybe this isn't really what I'm called to." Or trying to balance too many things, and when things fall apart, being used as an example for "why we won't hire a woman again."
In my first full time ministry position I was told "we really wanted a man, but now that we know you, you are definitely an exception." The thought was meant to be a compliment, but it did not feel like one. Why was I an exception? There were (and are) plenty of women in ministry as gifted as I am, if not more so, who would have been tremendous in any of the positions I have held throughout the years. Holding me up as the exception did not elevate me, it lowered others. That's what exceptionality does more often than not. Everyone loses when we use "exceptional" as the plumb line for measurement.
It isn't that their aren't exceptional women pastors out there, I know many, it's that our definition of exceptional is so far above what most of us human beings can be. Pastors aren't exceptional because they lead the biggest churches, preach the best, or have charismatic personalities, if that is the measure, we all lose on a bad day. If that is the standard, women will never be placed in bigger churches because in order to pastor a big church and be heard preaching, requires jumping so many hurdles to even get there, and most are getting lapped seven-fold by the men getting those opportunities before them.
The plumb line for measurement shouldn't be this rigid view of "exceptional" but should rather be "look at these called, gifted, and faithful women." The stories we share, shouldn't always be ones of exception, the few who were able to jump over hurdles and climb through windows, to somehow make it to the top beyond all odds.
The answer has to change, the narrative has to change if women are going to be placed in churches to be the pastors they are called to be. The stories should sound different than exception, they should sound gracefully and beautifully ordinary.
We should be sharing stories of women who stand up in the midst of hardship and adversity, to still preach on Sunday morning with love in their hearts. We need to seek out and elevate women who have been in ministry for years, who have never preached in front of thousands, or even hundreds, but who week after week preach to their faithful few. We should start sharing the stories of God's faithfulness in the midst of trial, of hope in the midst of defeat. The stories of women bailing out flooded basements until the early hours of Sunday morning. The stories of women who weep at bedsides of beloved congregants as they pass from this world. The stories of women answering phone calls at 2 in the morning, of visiting jail cells and sterile hospital rooms. The stories of women who are in so many ways inadequate and unexceptional, but that still reflect the greatness and grace of God to those around them.
Maybe holding up faithful instead of exceptional, will take some of the burden off. If nothing else it illustrates a much better picture of our calling. It shows us a glimpse of the kingdom of God, where we were never called to be exceptional, just faithful. It shows churches the type of pastor they need, and the type of church they can be, a faithful one.
At the end of life when we stand before Jesus it is not exceptionality that he applauds us for, but faithfulness as he says "well done, good and faithful servant." It's not the best sermons, the best dressed, or the one who juggled the most programming, that gets looked at with esteem in the kingdom of God. They are those who serve without looking for any esteem at all. Those who are last. Those who are faithful.
So maybe instead of pointing to "exceptional women", we point to an exceptional God and the incredibly faithful women who get to serve God as pastor. I for one feel like that would take some of the burden off. I may never be exceptional, but I hope and pray that I am, and will continue to be, faithful.
