The Mission Church of the Nazarene

     Homelessness has always torn at my heart. I spent time doing homeless ministry in college, and always try to do something when I encounter homeless individuals on the street. The biggest thing I've learned I can do, is treat people like human beings. I don't always have money (and I'm often hesitant to give money out, though I always like to do something. A post for another day), and I often don't come prepared.
        My mom once said to me that I needed to not give my coat away, because if I came back with nothing and got sick, I'd no longer be able to help people. I understand what she says, so now I try to go into situations prepared.
        When we moved into our church building, we noticed a sleeping bag at the bottom of some outdoor steps. It seemed that this was implying that someone used this space for shelter.

         Due to that discovery, every time I take the trash out to the back of the church, I check the steps, to see if anyone is there. I never found anyone, until a few days ago.
        Despite the fact that I check the steps all the time, I was a bit surprised to see someone there. Their back was turned to me, and the distinct smell of someone unwashed and living on the streets hit me. I called out "hello".
        The person stirred and said "oh hi". I could tell that I startled her. She began to gather up her things, and I said "I'm pastor Robbie, is there anything I can do to help you? I'm the pastor here."
        She said no, as she continued to gather her few things together.
         "what is your name?" I said.
          She told me, and I asked again if I could help her with anything, trying to reassure her that she was welcome here, that I wasn't going to chase her away. I guess after being treated like a rodent for long enough, you start to assume that anyone approaching is going to do the same thing, and so you scurry like one when approached.
           I told her she was welcome to sit there and rest, and I went to gather something for her. We keep these packs in the office specifically for people without homes, they have new socks, a new toothbrush, a washcloth, some snacks, a water bottle, a gift card for a meal, some soap, and a few other things. It's not much, but it's something.

           I rushed back hoping to catch her, and I got there just in time. "This is for you."
           She was so grateful, and I really believe she was a bit surprised. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." She kept saying.
            The encounter has haunted me a bit. It was so small a gesture. I could have asked her into the church, and allowed her to use the restroom (having a place to use a restroom is a huge issue among homeless individuals). I could have asked her to come in, and made her a cup of something hot to drink, or to sit down in the heat for a few moments. In the moment, however, all of those things alluded me, as I just tried to think of something, anything, I could do to convey that I saw her, that I cared for her, and to represent a God who cares for her more than I ever could.
        I'm still wrestling with the answers. I'm still praying and seeking direction for what to do. What I pray even more is, that I would be like the boy with the loaves and the fish, and Christ would be as faithful to us as we was the day he fed so many with so little. I pray I will always be faithful and generous with what little we have, and that God would take that little and make much out of it. I pray that even if we do nothing else, that we will always see people as the beloved of God, and treat them as such.

     It is never my intention to go so long without blogging. In my mind, I blog every day. Getting it out there, is another story. Technology glitches, and the difficulty of blogging from my phone all play a part, but mostly it's because we are incredibly busy people.
     We are busier than we've been thus far, because we have started having informal worship services on Sunday morning. This is a big step for us, and one I know a lot of you have been praying about.
    A launch meeting was held just before advent. We compiled a small group of friends and family to be our core. It's an incredible blessing to plant a church where you can pull form family and friends to make up that initial group of people.
     Creating this leadership team has been one of the biggest blessings since we've started this journey. First, we feel much less alone. Second, we are able to accomplish a significantly higher amount of work. Three, church isn't really church if there are no people.
     This leadership team really pushed fast forward on our church planting. They are excited and eager to walk this journey as we learn together. They have energy, insight, and wisdom that I lack on my own.
      The reality is, the Christian life was meant to be lived in community, and that is proved more and more as we are building this small community here in our city.
      A snapshot of the last several weeks:

• We have been holding worship services.

        This may be the coolest thing we are doing. They are small. They are intimate. We eat breakfast together every Sunday. We visit. We explore what it means to be a part of the Church of the Nazarene. We sing a few songs. We read scripture. We pray. We work. Our Sundays are almost entirely spent at the church which is a neat phenomenon. When there are so few of you EVERYONE has to help, and everyone does help. Since we are all there on Sundays, that tends to be the day we work. We clean, we build, we fellowship, we eat, we drink coffee. It's a really cool thing that just sort of was born out of necessity.

• We held a Christmas eve Service

         We were a small group, but we were there. We lit close to 100 luminaries outside to illustrate our presence (trying to be a light in the darkness) as well as to show our vigil for the coming Christ child. Our hope was that neighbors would see the lights and wander in. This didn't happen, but it was a great learning curve for us. One of the things we learned is that things take time. It takes time to be recognized as people who care and are present. We also learned we'll have to do more than light some candles to illustrate that.
             Mainly the main thing we learned during the season of advent, was that longing and expectation aren't bad things. Advent is the season we live in these days, and being able to come together and reflect on why we do what we do, that it's ok to long, and what hope looks like, was incredibly meaningful.

• We've met some more neighbors

            If we've learned nothing else, we've learned a lot about prevenient grace. This grace that goes before us, calling people to the heart of God. That's truly the only way to explain some of our conversations and chance meetings.
             Last sunday, one of our Church members was outside, and a neighbor walked by and started talking to him. I went out and he said "I walk by this church a lot and I always pray that God would open it's doors, and that he would send people to it. I really believe God is going to send you a lot of people."
              It was really an amazing thing, and not an isolated incident. We are glad that God has called Christians in our neighborhood to pray for this old church on the corner. We are grateful that the Holy Spirit is moving in the hearts of our neighbors.
             Would we love to see them walk in our doors? Absolutely, we'd be dishonest if we said we didn't, but ultimately we are here to bring about light in darkness, and transformation to a neighborhood. The transformation we want to see doesn't happen over night, and it won't happen just be getting people in seats on a Sunday morning.

• We've cleaned A LOT

                If you were here this summer, you should come back for a visit, because the building is beginning to become unrecognizable (in a good way). Things are becoming more and more organized, change is really taking place, rooms that were once filled with stuff are now ready to be filled with people. It's actually astounding given the task we had at the beginning of the summer. It's easy for us to be overwhelmed, because there is still so much to do (we still need to tear down some ceilings downstairs, and install new ceilings and light fixtures.... do you know how to do that? Because we'd love to have your help). We really need a new front door, and a new air conditioner, as well as a new window installed, on top of other projects we can't even think about affording right now... BUT, we have this awesome new sound booth built that a couple members took on themselves to put in, and it looks better than I even imagined (and it's not done yet). We set up this amazing breakfast/coffee area in the back of the sanctuary, that my mother-in-law turned into this really warm and welcoming space. The coat closet is completely cleaned out and ready to go. We are preparing to paint the foyer steps and put in new carpet. The bathrooms smell the best they have since I first stepped into them. We have diaper changing stations in the bathrooms. We have new hymnals. We have bulletins. We have a working sound system. We have chairs set up like a real sanctuary. The lights no longer have bugs in them. The stained glass windows shut all the way! The church is getting internet on Friday, which means I'll be able to hold real office hours! This has all happened over the last several weeks. Just imagine what can happen in the next several years?

People ask me sometimes how we get the funding to make all this happen, how we have the time or ability. Sometimes I'm astounded myself. City Connexx has helped us tremendously, and has been one of the most amazing blessings in my life. Our launch team is the best in the world, dedicating significant amounts of time, money, and energy into seeing this vision come to life. On top of that, Mac and I work... as much as possible outside of the church.
       I'm not sure what things will look like 6 months from now, but if it's anything like these last 6, it'll be greater than what we could ever hope or imagine. So, we are ready, 2015, for this to be a year set aside to do great things for the Kingdom of God.

     It almost feels appropriate that so much unrest and outcry about injustice is happening during advent.  The dark reality is that injustice,  racism,  hatred,  and violence has been going on all along,  it's just that suddenly it's more visible... at least to some people.  

      

     If you are non-white,  or live in a diverse urban area,  the head lines only serve to confirm something we've already been witness too. A dark reality we've already been a part of. 
     Regularly I get asked if I am afraid for my life to live where I do.  I get told often how afraid they would be if they substitute taught at Hammond High or Eggers middle school,  the 2 secondary schools downtown. 
     This rhetoric continues to shock me. Why should I be afraid? 
      My follow up question is almost always met with an awkward gaze and uncomfortable silence.  They don't want to say what they mean,  because they think as an educated white middle class woman the same fear resides within me.  A fear of the unknown,  a fear of seeing things that make us uncomfortable,  a fear of being the only person in the room who looks like us,  a fear of kids who have been raised with little guidance or hope,  and let's just address the elephant in the room,  a fear of black and hispanic people. 
      Fear. It's often under the surface of our conversations about race. It's in our comments about "that part of town". It's even ever present in our movies and television shows,  where the young white teacher goes to teach at the urban predominantly black school and is met with violent and drug addicted stereotype black students.
     Fear.  It's consumed my Facebook newsfeed. Two distinct groups of people,  both afraid. One afraid to raise children in a world they could be killed just because of their skin color,  or afraid for humanity as it seems we can't move forward with grace and love.  The other,  afraid to listen,  afraid they might be wrong,  afraid of a world where the police they have always trusted might be wrong. 
     I straddle both of those worlds. I'm afraid at times to raise half black children in this world,  afraid for my students and neighbors,  yet I've always trusted police,  never experienced issues with my race (though when I'm with my husband,  it's a different experience), afraid at times that maybe I'm not as honest about my own biases as I could be,  and afraid I might be wrong. 
     Fear.  We live in fear. 

      Yet,  we long for something else. Something more.  Something greater. 
     In the midst of our fear,  we long for a world without fear,  a world of understanding,  of grace,  of love,  of hope. 
     That's what advent is.  Longing for more,  looking for more,  hoping for more,  and ultimately seeing that come in Christ.
     We didn't invent fear,  racism,  corruption.  That all existed 2 thousand years ago too. In a small town of Bethlehem.  Where the military state controlled all aspects of life. Where to be a Jew,  meant oppression. In the midst of this world of violence,  of pain,  of suffering,  of fear,  an angel shows up to a group of smelly outcasts. 

               "Fear not" the angel says.  Was that spoken just for that moment?  Maybe,  but their entire world was fear. It is no accident they are being told not to fear. 
        But why should the fear stop,  "because I bring glad tidings of great joy,  which shall be for ALL people.  For today,  in the city of David,  a savior has been born to you,  he is Christ the LORD".
          God had broken into the midst of fear,  of loneliness, of pain,  of confusion,  to bring joy,  hope,  love,  heading,  and peace.
         The good news of advent is,  that Christ still comes.  He comes in our compassion,  in our love,  in our service,  in our grace.  He came, he comes,  and is coming again to fulfill what was started in a world of fear,  doubt,  and pain.  He is coming to make all things right. 

               

       So today,  we sit between the first and second week of advent, between hope and peace.  We don't just sit their metaphorically,  but we sit their as individuals,  as communities,  and as a nation.  We sit with a decision like the shepherds of old,  to go and see this thing the angel said, to embrace the news,  to share the news,  to abandon our fear for love and grace,  or to stay,  to be stunted by our fear,  and miss out on the greatest miracle of all.  

    I don't know about you,  but I am tired of being afraid,  tired of doubt,  of loneliness,  and hatred,  so I'm running as fast as i can, doing all within my power to bring hope,  peace,  joy,  and love to this world that so desperately needs it.
    I am sharing with all this advent "fear not,  for I bring glad tidings of great joy for ALL people,  no matter who you are,  what you look like,  your economic status,  your gender,  your race,  there is a savior, he is Christ the LORD"
    

    I substitute teach in an urban community on the south east side of the Chicago area. My encounters with black youth occur on a daily basis. 
    There is a lot of turmoil right now concerning black youth.  I am not here to debate jury decisions (i wasn't there), but I do want to voice a concern. 
     My Facebook is riddled with comments like "thug", "gangsta", and "hooligan". It saddens me how much of this comes from my Christian brothers and sisters.
     Because I know and love a whole lot of "thugs", and in reality,  they are just real live teenage kids needing love and guidance as they figure out life. 
     Just today a student was telling me about his court date for a bad decision. My heart broke for a boy,  a real boy,  who needs love and mentorship not a derogatory label.  He is a child.  He might look like a man,  but he isn't yet.  He's just a kid with too many hormones and not enough guidance.
    My thoughts are this,  communities are hurting,  people are hurting,  and while you may think they are wrong, calling names is the opposite of Christ like.
    Christ would be there.  Not with hurtful words or Facebook statuses,  but with embraces and listening ears.  We must learn to listen if we are ever going to come together. We must get out of our space and look at things through different eyes. We must embrace the ones we fear,  the ones who are different than us,  and our enemies.  Not just because it's a nice sentiment,  but because it is our calling.
     The kids I work with aren't always easy to love for everyone,  but they are just kids.  With hopes,  with dreams,  with people who love them,  and they already have a whole bunch stacked against them.  So while you may think you are referencing a specific person or event with your words,  they feel like you are addressing them,  labeling them,  and giving up on them.  Hear that in their voices.  They don't know how to tell you without screaming sometimes (remember they're teenagers), so listen humbly and closely enough,  so they don't have to. Ultimately though,  remember they are kids, real people,  beloved of God,  and worthy of respect.

     The hard reality of life is that money is tight. That being said, we didn't have internet for a while. We opted to pay for electricity and gas, and the internet became less of a necessity. In the meantime, my computer completely quit (it's been on its way out for a while), so we are now a 1 computer family. That's just some of the realities of life, but we're back. We're getting in a routine of life, and now that I'm making some income, we're starting to find our selves in a better place. It's just a long way out of the mountain of school debt, but we're making progress.
      That's just a small glimpse, one aspect of the in's and outs of the day. I try not to complain and have a positive attitude, but things are really hard sometimes. Not just with money, but staying encouraged.
    Starting a church is hard work. Some weeks no one shows up to bible study, and I always take it personally. It doesn't matter what else is going on, it usually brings me to tears and feeling like a failure. When all you have is a small number to start with, missing people from that number hurts, a lot.
     We are hitting 6 months of being here, and a lot of people thought we'd have a booming church by now. We don't. I think that's haunting me a bit, despite my desire to have things move slow and organically, it gets exhausting to explain for the thousandth time that we don't have services yet, we just have a small bible study. That only 2-4 people come, but we're working on impacting the community by being here, by showing up, by getting to know people. It's easy to doubt.
     This week was one of those cloud of doubt weeks. We wanted to do a big Halloween event, but the weather did not cooperate. Money was tight so we weren't able to do all we would have liked this past weekend. We also didn't have anyone show up for our small group bible study. The combination of those things seriously broke me.
     There are lots of great things going on, don't get me wrong. I've been subbing nearly every day, and have met some great kids. I have so many great stories of things I've confronted and ways I've grown. We had our neighbors over on Halloween last minute and learned a lot about the neighborhood and about them. Things are moving and happening.
     Despite that, it seems that the things that don't work out are the things I fixate on. I get frustrated that things aren't moving faster. I get depressed and think this was the wrong decision to make. I look at my to do list, which is so much bigger than I could ever accomplish (this whole having a job, trying to start a church, and take care of a home. It's a bit insane), and I get overwhelmed to the point that I want to do nothing.
   The discouragement is palpable. I'm not saying this because I want pity, but because I think this is a very real place when starting a new ministry. I think missionaries tend to speak of the great things God is doing, because that's what people love hearing. They love hearing the stories of how awesome things are, and it makes people want to be a part of that. I get that. I like the happy stories too, but the reality of ministry, and the reality of life, is that it isn't all happy.
    Maybe that's part of why I haven't posted much the past few weeks. It's hard to be honest about the tough side when you're in it.
     I don't have a lot of wise words to offer, just that I know this is a road many have walked before me, and many are walking now. That I knew this would not be easy, and to remember to take everything a step at a time.
     There's growth here, in the midst of this, and I know that it will be worth it in the end. Just trying not to miss the forest for the trees.

   The last few weeks have been crazy, which is why I've been silent on here. It's been a roller coaster of ups and downs, but I'm finally settling into a routine.
    After serving Mac's grandmother for a week, she passed away surrounded by family. Our time for several days was spent mostly with family, trying to help in whatever ways we could, and remembering grandma together. Despite our grief, it was truly a blessing to spend time with family.

    In the midst of that, I got a job at our neighborhood Walgreens. My hours were a bit erratic at first, which made it difficult to plan anything. Working at Walgreens enabled me to get to know the neighborhood in a different way, and I met a lot of people.
      Because of the added income of a new job, I was able to get my hair done, which was very needed. I found a great salon and spa outside of town. The hairdresser grew up in the area, and she gave me some recommendations of things to do and places to visit. This is a great escape from the crazy for me, and one small way I try to refresh. There will probably be a blog post on caring for ones self, as you care for others, in the future. This is a lesson that I'm still learning, and that is a hard one for me.

      Part of the reason I got my hair done, was because I officiated a wedding a week ago for two awesome people. Their wedding was simple, elegant, and beautiful. I also got the added bonus of seeing some former students from my days as an intern. It was a great time, and I was so honored to be a part of it all.  I don't have any pictures, because I was so in the moment, soaking it all in.
      If this wasn't enough, I was contacted by the school district here in Hammond to substitute teach. This would mean more pay, consistent hours, with weekends, holidays, and summer off which is the ideal situation for pastoring at the same time. I filled out all the paper work, got my sub license, and have already been subbing for a week now. This also meant, that despite just starting a job at Walgreens, I had to turn around and put in my resignation. I was so grateful for that job, but am grateful I can work for less time with more pay. I also LOVE substitute teaching. Every day is different, and I love getting to know the students. I am sure there will be tons of blog posts about what I've learned and encountered while subbing. It's such a great way to connect with the community, and to really impact kids in our city.
     Finally, we had a housewarming party, and decided to paint a large percentage of our house to get ready for it. We worked for hours painting. We have a lot left to do, but our house looks so much more like a home than it did when we first moved in. It also makes us feel much more at home. There were some issues we ran into, but for now, we are really proud of our accomplishments. There will be pictures at a later date.
    So that's a run down of the last 3 weeks, a new job started, a funeral, a wedding, a different new job, leaving a job, having a party, and painting a house. Life is full. It is always an adventure, but we are truly enjoying the ride.